


It's just– hospitals...

by Spoonietimelordy (orphan_account)



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hemophilia, Hospital Trauma, M/M, Trans Nate Heywood, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 14:32:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18780199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Spoonietimelordy
Summary: It shouldn't be that hard, it wasn't that bad after all, but my body wasn't agreeing with me, my hands were shaking, my heart pounding and my jaw was clenched.I heard the door openings itself but couldn't bother to look at it, my damned body couldn't bother."Hey, can I come in ?"Ray's voice.





	It's just– hospitals...

**Author's Note:**

> English isn't my first language but I hope you'll still like it.  
> Context: They just came back from a mission in an hospital.

I was lying on my bed, trying to calm down, to think of something else, of someone else. To think of everything else, of anything else, except that.

It shouldn't be that hard, it wasn't that bad after all, but my body wasn't agreeing with me, my hands were shaking, my heart pounding and my jaw was clenched.  
I heard the door openings itself but couldn't bother to look at it, my damned body couldn't bother.

"Hey, can I come in ?"

Ray's voice, he couldn't see me like that, it wasn't his problems, it– he–he just couldn't. "Please go away, please, don't look at me. Ray, please." But he stayed, no footsteps, no door closing, he was waiting for me to answer. Raymond of the palms, always here, always listening, never judging, a true knight. With all the strength I had, I moved my head. I allow him in, more than in the room, I was allowing him in my head. A few steps and a mattress movement.

"Can you talk?"

No, no I couldn't, so I moved my still trembling hand, searching for him, and without a word, he took it, of course he did. It helped, it didn't calm me entirely, but it was a start. His thumb was stroking my fingers at a regular rhythm, I tried to breathe on it. After a few minutes, my eyes were finally able to open, letting me face to face with the cold grey ceiling. I gripped his hand strongly.

"Is it better?"

"Yeah, it is, thanks buddy, thank you a lot"

"It's what bros are for"

It took me a lot of strength but I sat up and turned towards Ray. I wasn't thinking about what I was doing, I didn't have to. I moved my legs around him, my arms following and my head ending on his shoulder. He didn't comment on it, he never did. It was just comfortable, no secret, no shame, I liked it.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He said, stroking my knee.

"It's just– hospitals... They aren't really comfortable for me. I passed half of my childhood in them and– it wasn't really like in the movies. A lot of doctors and nurses don't care about the patients, we are just experimental projects for them. They tend to forget that we are humans being. Especially when you're not a cis boy. They wouldn't believe me or my parents when we said that I was bleeding too much for little scratch, they even accused my parents of beating me. It took us years and a bike accident before a doctor accepted to test me for haemophilia. And when I thought that everything would be better, that now that I had a diagnosis my life would be easier. But you know my dad, he started this research foundation and I became a laboratory rat. A laboratory rat who had to check the F box on every form, one who was misgendered by all the medical workers, who had to do speeches about how being a girl with haemophilia was like, one who was refused T because it could have affected the results of the tests.

It wasn't really fun, and I guess– I guess it didn't leave me without sequels..."

"Does It happen often? I mean the flashbacks?"

"We could say that, it's stupid, isn't it? It was a long time ago, I shouldn't care anymore but..."

"Nate there is nothing wrong with you, you're traumatized, you shouldn't blame yourself for that, healing takes a lot of time."

He turned his head and kissed my forehead. It felt safe, I felt safe, and while closing my eyes, I put my lips on his shoulder. I felt him tensed, so I stepped back, lifting my head away. Fingers. He links his with mine before I had the time to do anything else. He turned his head toward me, his breath brushing my face. "Should I?" I didn't want to break what we had, but the pulsion to close the gape was strong.

"Can I?" He asked, because it was Ray, of course he would.

"God yeah..."

A big bright smile appeared on his face, and his free hand went to my cheek. And he kissed me. Nothing Strong, nothing astonishing, but it was still, in its calmness, very much passionate and full of love and promises.  
"Knock knock knock" Sara was at the door, smiling at us. "Movie night, you come?"

"Yeah, of course," I said breaking the kisses.

"Oh, and, congratulations." 


End file.
